Last week came and went, and no news yet from the pathologists. Dr. H and I exchanged emails on Friday, and as of then there was not even a preliminary report yet. And, no offense to my colleagues in other specialties, but we all know that pathologists don't do any elective work on weekends, so that means nothing until this week. Hopefully.
As far as recovering from the surgery, my neck stiffness is essentially resolved, and there's no pain to speak of. My numbness remains, however, from my neck up to and including my ear. I think it will be at least a few months before this decreases, if it does at all. But it's a pretty small nuisance. My scar, now sans bandage, is quite visible on the side of my neck. It sort of looks like someone tried to cut my head off, but aborted the attempt. So it's lead to a handful of people at work asking about it, and often getting a weightier response than they were ready for...
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The good news is that despite all this waiting, I've managed to successfully keep worries at bay and go on doing my regular things. Yes, I'm worried. Very worried, depending on the moment. But I also know that whatever the outcome of these tests, there will be very concrete things to be done when the answers are at hand. Before then, however, there's nothing that can be done. So I'm trying to not be preoccupied by the thought.
Really, the only curve-ball this has thrown me so far is that I'm being very non-committal with big furniture purchases for my new apartment (like, for example, a couch which I would like to purchase but will take approximately three weeks to deliver. A delivery is hard to plan when I don't know where I'll be next week, and an $800 purchase is hard to justify until I'm sure I'll be staying in Pittsburgh for at least a little while.)
Tomorrow is my first real day at work. True, our official start was last week, but the attending to whom I am assigned has been on vacation, and so I've had very little going on up until now. So despite all of last week, I have renewed first-day jitters about going to work once again.
I did manage to scrub into one surgical case last week, with a different attending's team, and I noticed an interesting but subtle thing: This is the first time in my life that I've shown up on my first day of anything, where I was immediately treated like I knew what I was doing. The surgeon who essentially had never met me, and certainly never seen me work, just left me in the room by myself to teach a third year resident how to fix a very shattered arm. It's a nice feeling, especially since up until now all of my first-days (of medical school, clerkships, internship, residency, rotations) have always had me playing the role of the clueless one on the bottom rung of the ladder!
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I will leave you with one last bit: The Sloan-Kettering pathologists may still be mulling things over, but one of my close friends has already provided me with her diagnostic opinion. If you scroll back to the very first entry of this blog, you will note that I was previously afflicted with this ordeal at the start of July 2006. And now, after spontaneously going away at the end of last summer, it has returned to bug me at precisely the same time again.
This superbly analytical friend has recognized mine as a case (and perhaps the first ever case) of Seasonal Affective Lymphoma. And no, Alissa isn't in the medical field. It seems all of you psychiatrist friends of mine were beaten to the punch with this one!
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Okydokes. I'll post again just as soon as any results come in.
hi sam, i work with your mom, and from the day i met her i loved her, she is my little "z" i awake every morning and include both of you in my prayers.my husband is recovery from ca of the esophagus, and my brother is walking around with only 20% of his liver, he goes to work everyday and still adds additions to his home.having said all this praying for you every morning should bring a big smile to your face.good luck, keep smiling..love annie
Posted by: annie from tully | 15 August 2007 at 10:21 PM